where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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