I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
