fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
