He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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