the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
