you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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