Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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