Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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