Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
