If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
