I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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