4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
