Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
