I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
