am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
