i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
