This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
