Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
