I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
