looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
