omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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