I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
