I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
