Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Randomize
