Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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