I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
