I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
