And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
