I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
