It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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