I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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