dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize