I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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