Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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