So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
