It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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