I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize