Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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