It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
