I wannas sexs uuuuu
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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