Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
