I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
