I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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