hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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