If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
