Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
