hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
