Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
