When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize