One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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