Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize