I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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