I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
