i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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