yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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