new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
