TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we're so committed to being not committed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
