You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
