Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
