pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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