ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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