yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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