You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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