in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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